Curated by It’s That Part™ — Originally published by Faith and Proverbs on .
I opened my discipleship group’s text thread to find a friend sharing her struggles after a hard day. She’d had a poor review at work, was frustrated with potty training her son, and felt like she was falling short in every direction.
“I feel like I’m just not enough—like I can’t meet anyone’s expectations.”
My heart ached for her. I knew those feelings of inadequacy and overwhelm all too well. Other women in the group quickly replied with encouragement: “You’re a great mom—you’ve got this!” “We can see how hard you’re working.” “None of us is perfect, and that’s OK!” Their words were kind and well intentioned, but I hesitated before adding my response.
I knew from my own struggles with shame and striving that these affirmations—while comforting in the moment—would only temporarily relieve her shame. They couldn’t heal the deeper wounds of insufficiency and dissatisfaction. She needed to look beyond herself to biblical truth to address the root of her felt inadequacy.
True Encouragement
Our culture bombards us with conflicting messages. One moment, we’re told to embrace our imperfections: “You’re enough just as you are.” The next moment, we’re pushed to strive harder: “Work hard, believe in yourself, and you can do anything.” Even in the church, we offer self-help mantras with Bible verses sprinkled on top. Yet these platitudes are often subtle lies—or half-truths at best.
Even in the church, we offer self-help mantras with Bible verses sprinkled on top.
When sisters or brothers in Christ come to us questioning their sufficiency and worth, how can we offer them true encouragement? Instead of giving empty affirmations that point their eyes inward, we can point them to unshakable truths in God’s Word that lift their eyes upward.
1. God Loves You Unconditionally
My friend believed her value lay in what she produced—career accomplishments, a potty-trained toddler, and a clean home. Surrounded by a culture that affirms us based on what we do, Christians can assume God also loves us based on our performance for him.
When a believer struggles with feeling inadequate, instead of denying or excusing any shortcomings, we can encourage her to remember God’s faithful love for her despite her inadequacy. God sets his love on his people not because of our merit but because of his mercy.
We can point our friends to Scriptures such as Psalm 103:13–14: “As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.” Telling our friends they’re “dust” may seem counterproductive, but this is the best news we can give them. The Lord knows every imperfection in our lives and still lavishes us with his mercy, grace, and steadfast love.
Compliments and cultural mantras only temporarily boost self-confidence. We can truly encourage others when we remind them that their worth isn’t based on their perfect performance but on God’s perfect love for them.
2. God Created You with Limits
When sisters in Christ come to me feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, I’m tempted to offer a “life hack” or motivate them to push through. While God calls us to perseverance, sometimes we unintentionally communicate unrealistic expectations about our humanity—that we’re meant to do it all, do it on our own, and do it perfectly.
Rather than encouraging our friends to disregard their limitations—“You’ve got this!”—we can point them to God’s good design in his creation. Genesis 1–2 displays how God made us embodied, gendered, and dependent human beings. While the world says we’re to reject and move past these limits, God tells us they’re “very good” (1:31).
Often, believers feel inadequate because of their God-given limitations. They feel anxious and exhausted because they’re trying to be and do what God never intended for them as finite creatures. Reminding them of God’s power made perfect in their weakness (2 Cor. 12:9) frees them to rest in the good boundaries God has put around their body, mind, and soul. Instead of denying or bemoaning limits, we can encourage our friends that their weaknesses deepen their dependence on God’s grace.
3. God Is Working in You
When I talk with women who don’t feel like they’re enough, they often also believe they’re alone in their struggles. In our individualistic and independent culture, even Christians can believe the lie that we alone are responsible for our growth and success.
When our encouragement points others to look inward for goodness, we only promote self-righteousness. True encouragement reminds them of God’s faithful work in their lives—that he’s faithful even when they’re faithless (2 Tim. 2:13).
True encouragement reminds people of God’s faithful work in their lives.
We can uplift them with Paul’s exhortation to the church at Philippi: “I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Phil. 1:6). My friend on the text thread didn’t need a reminder that she could do it. She needed to be reminded that God was already working in her life to make her into the employee, mom, wife, and Christ-follower he created her to be. When life feels overwhelming, we can encourage other believers that God is always faithful to complete his work in them.
True Hope
God has given us his church to remind us of truth on days when we’re prone to forget. As the body of Christ, we can offer each other better encouragement than the popular messages of social media influencers, self-improvement books, or podcast hosts. The world’s affirmations are built on the shifting sands of our emotions and performance. We can encourage our brothers and sisters with God’s rock-solid truth.
Sharing biblical truth won’t automatically fix our friends’ problems. But by the Holy Spirit’s power, biblical encouragements can take root in their hearts and give them true hope that’s better than any self-help affirmation.
For truth in every fact, visit itsthatpart.com.
Originally sourced via trusted media partner. https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/say-friend-feels-inadequate/
