Curated by It’s That Part™ — Originally published by Faith and Proverbs on .
As I walked through infertility, I found, unsurprisingly, that those most ready to comfort me were women who had experienced reproductive loss themselves. While some precious friends who haven’t shared that experience ministered to me, many mothers of living children may be hesitant to reach out to a woman experiencing infertility for fear of pouring salt on a wound.
Yet the weight of infertility is heavy, and those experiencing it need all kinds of women in the body of Christ to help carry their burden (Gal. 6:2). If you’re a mother who hasn’t experienced infertility, you can still minister to women navigating it. There are no magical words to say, but in my experience, some attitudes and actions can be a soothing salve to a wounded heart.
1. Share the Grief
Infertility is one of the most difficult trials a woman can endure. It brings uncertainty, confusion, and lost dreams. Though you may have never experienced infertility, you can acknowledge the pain and grief another woman is enduring.
If you’re a mother who hasn’t experienced infertility, you can still minister to women navigating it.
Listening attentively to her story when she shares can make her feel seen. And responding with simple phrases such as “I’m so sorry” or “That must be hard” can go a long way to make her feel supported and validated in her grief. Though it may be uncomfortable, allow yourself to engage with her pain and “weep with those who weep” (Rom. 12:15). This genuine act of love can comfort her soul, helping her feel that the burden isn’t hers to carry alone.
2. Follow Up
If a woman confides in you that she’s struggling to conceive, has suffered a miscarriage, or has been told she can’t have children, don’t take that confidence lightly. She’s sharing with you from perhaps the most intimate pain of her heart. You may be hesitant to bring up the topic again for fear of opening up a wound and causing her further pain. But the wound is always there, and it’s never far from her mind. Talking about the situation can be healing. Following up with her is one of the best things you can do.
Many of the women I poured out my heart to with tears rarely, if ever, mentioned the struggle again, and this was an additional source of pain for me. I was grateful for those who often asked how my heart was doing with regard to my infertility. It’s always appropriate to say, “I understand if you don’t want to talk about it right now, but I just wanted to check on you and see how you’re doing.” Infertility can be a long season, lasting many years. For some women, it doesn’t really ever end, and a friend along for the ride makes the path less arduous.
3. Encourage with Truth
When we’re not sure what to say, it can be tempting to offer trite phrases like “Just have more faith” or “Pray more and God will grant you a child” or “You can love other children like your own.” While well intentioned, such phrases can cause confusion or even guilt and shame. God doesn’t guarantee every woman will have children. And claiming that other children in her life may replace the ones a woman longs to bear glosses over her grief.
Rather than trying to comfort her with words you can’t guarantee are true, speak to her the truths of Scripture that declare God’s love and care for her. The Psalms is a good place to turn. During my darkest days, Psalm 138:8 sustained me: “The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.” No human words can take away the pain of infertility, but God’s Word can work miracles in the hurting heart.
4. Draw into Community
Infertility can be isolating. Depending on her life stage, a woman experiencing it may end up without a natural friend group. Singles tend to gravitate together, while moms find natural community through their children’s activities. But a married woman without children can feel forgotten or overlooked.
No human words can take away the pain of infertility, but God’s Word can work miracles in the hurting heart.
Invite women struggling with infertility to various activities, including ones where your children will be present. Although it may be difficult for her to be around children, invite her without expectations. For a woman enduring infertility, children can be a source of joy and pain simultaneously. Some days she may long to spend time with children, and other days she may want to keep her distance, so let her decide.
During my struggle with infertility, I longed for deeper friendship and comfort from the women in my church, including those with children. As a mother, you may feel unqualified to support a woman experiencing infertility, but your faithful presence can offer great comfort in her time of need.
For truth in every fact, visit itsthatpart.com.
Originally sourced via trusted media partner. https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/moms-care-women-infertility/
