The new A24 horror-comedy Friendship elicits plenty of cringe laughs from a topic that shouldn’t be so awkward: friendship between adult men. Alas, in a society plagued by rising loneliness, shrinking social circles, fewer parties, the ongoing disappearance of third spaces, and what’s been called a “midlife male friendship crisis,” laughing at the difficult dynamics of male friendship is probably a cultural coping mechanism. We know this is a dire problem, but we don’t know how to solve it.
Our society is plagued by what’s been called a ‘midlife male friendship crisis.’
As a “midlife male” myself, I can attest to the challenges, yes, but also the vital importance and joy of life-giving friendships with other men. Such friendships are God-given gifts that shape us and strengthen us. We need to encourage men of every age toward healthy, deep relationships with other men. And though contemporary Hollywood films like Friendship tend to make light of the vulnerabilities and awkwardness of friendships between men, other films have sincerely celebrated their virtues and pondered their complexities in ways Christians can appreciate.
Here are 11 films of that sort (listed in alphabetical order). Watch them on your own or—better yet—with a group of guy friends.
Devotion (2022)
I could have included a lot of war films on this list. From the recent (and stellar) Iraq War film Warfare to Terrence Malick’s WWII epic The Thin Red Line (1998), many have captured how the bonds of battle forge unique intimacy between men. Based on a true story, Devotion is a Korean War–set drama that focuses on the cross-racial friendship between naval aviators Jesse L. Brown and Tom Hudner. Even as it doesn’t sugarcoat the asymmetrical dynamics of their friendship at a time of racial segregation, Devotion is a pure-hearted celebration of the emboldening power of friendship in the crucible of war. Watch for free on Tubi. Rated PG-13.
The Eight Mountains (2023)
There’s a lot to praise about this Italian-language film based on a great novel. The cinematography in the Italian Alps is stunning. The soundtrack by Swedish singer-songwriter Daniel Norgren is haunting. But the story’s central relationship between Pietro and Bruno—a boyhood friendship that becomes a fraught but enduring bond in adulthood—is the film’s heart. The movie captures the painful truth that even our best efforts to pull a friend back from the brink of self-destruction sometimes aren’t enough. We can show up and be a steady and wise presence, but we can’t live a friend’s life for him or make him make good choices. Available to rent. Not rated.
The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001–3)
Bound by a daunting shared goal and constantly facing multifaceted dangers, the nine-member, all-male fellowship in Tolkien’s Middle-earth saga is an inspiring picture of the dynamics of male friendship. Whether in the friendly rivalry between Legolas and Gimli, the “I’ll carry you” devotion between Sam and Frodo, or any number of other relationships explored in the series, the Rings adventure is rife with insightful observations about the ennobling power of friendship and camaraderie in an evil and perilous world. Watch on Max. Rated PG-13.
Man on the Train (2003)
This French film from director Patrice Leconte is a slower burn and more cerebral than some films on this list. But it’s also a tender, thought-provoking examination of how men from different worlds can share a real, odd-couple connection and be changed for the better by even a brief time of friendship. While some films on this list explore the goodness of lifelong friendships between men, Man on the Train ponders the bittersweet goodness of fleeting fellowship that nevertheless makes a mark. Available to rent. Rated R.
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003)
I recently listed this classic as #2 on my 50 Most Edifying Films of the 21st Century list. Among its many merits, Peter Weir’s seafaring epic is a portrait of a friendship between men. As the ship’s captain and doctor, Russell Crowe and Paul Bettany shine as they explore the tensions, trust, and shared trials of a wartime friendship. I particularly love the scenes where the two men put down their weapons and take up their instruments (violin and cello) to riff their way through Bach, Mozart, and Corelli. They don’t speak in these scenes, but the music they make together communicates volumes about their bond. Available to rent. Rated PG-13.
Nickel Boys (2024)
This adaptation of Colson Whitehead’s Pulitzer Prize–winning novel has a radical approach to cinematic storytelling, turning the camera into an “eye” of each of its two main characters: Elwood (Ethan Herisse) and Turner (Brandon Wilson). We only see these boys through the visual field of the other—a brilliant aesthetic choice that underscores the way friendship is dignifying as an act of truly seeing others. The powerful story also captures the way even a relatively brief friendship can change us forever, spurring us on to growth and virtue. Watch on Prime Video. Rated PG-13.
Old Joy (2006)
An acclaimed film from Kelly Reichardt, Old Joy stars Will Oldham and Daniel London as two old friends who reunite for a weekend camping trip in the mountains outside Portland, Oregon. Featuring a stunning instrumental soundtrack from Yo La Tengo, the film has a meditative, somber tone that captures the beauty of friendship but also the pain when paths diverge and distance grows. It’s a decidedly indie, arthouse film that poignantly captures the way friendship between men changes as single independence gives way to familial responsibility, and maturity necessarily signals “the end of an era.” Watch on Max. Not rated.
A Real Pain (2024)
Technically, this film is about cousins. But a cousin bond can feel a lot like a deep friendship. And the complex, lifelong friendship between David (Jesse Eisenberg) and Benji (Kieran Culkin) in A Real Pain is beautiful, funny, and compelling. As with several other films on this list, the friendship dynamic explored here concerns the diverging paths friends sometimes take and how relationships can change when the adulthood gulf widens. What does friendship look like when we still love each other but don’t relate as much anymore? Watch on Hulu. Rated R.
The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
Prison dramas can provide good fodder for friendship themes (see also: last year’s Sing Sing). Friendship is crucial to survival anywhere, but especially in a highly taxing environment like prison. The Shawshank friendship between Andy (Tim Robbins) and Red (Morgan Freeman) is one of cinema’s most iconic friendships. It’s a friendship that expands the horizons of both men and gives them reason to hope: to “get busy living” rather than resigning to futureless despair. Indeed, friendship is a key part of the “redemption” alluded to in the title. It’s a film that reminds us that God can use friends in our lives to shape and refine us in powerful ways. Available to rent. Rated R.
Our Friend (2021)
Adapted from Matt Teague’s 2015 Esquire article “The Friend: Love Is Not a Big Enough Word,” Gabriela Cowperthwaite’s film highlights the crucial value of true friends when we face the lowest moments of life. The film chronicles the cancer story of Nicole Teague (Dakota Johnson); her husband, Matt (Casey Affleck); and their best friend, Dane (Jason Segel), who shows up and provides support when they need him. As Dane walks with Matt through the horrific deterioration and eventual loss of his spouse, he provides a beautifully Christlike picture of a friend who’s closer than a brother. Watch on Peacock. Rated R.
The Rider (2018)
I love Chloé Zhao’s neorealist western for so many reasons, and I assign it often in “faith and film” cohorts and classes. Among its many merits, The Rider shows the beauty of a friendship that persists even after tragedy. True friends don’t leave when the going gets tough. They stay intentional in our lives, keep pushing us to persevere, keep showing up. In the friendship between Brady and Lane, two former rodeo cowboys whose careers were sidelined by injury, the two men show how friendship can be a lifeline that encourages us to lift our heads and keep going. Available to rent. Rated R.
